I have made a lot of compromises in my life. From choosing jobs that I really did not care about one way or the other in the past, to giving up my business because I saw it to be unprofitable in the long run when bigger businesses squeezed me out, to giving up my dreams of science because I understood that I was never meant to be a scientist: I believe to much and dream too hard.
I have given up contact with friends because of time constraints and problems with communication, and many of those so called friends and acquaintances which I cared about have again and again failed to contact me in return even when they knew I would have problems getting to them. I have failed to keep people informed of my activities and failed even more to take up the mantle of activities that I could have undertaken. Worse I have failed to find something I really love and made something of it.
I have failed to look after my social, and sensual life and made an incredible amount of compromises of this type. I have dated a few women, none successfully in the long term either due to my shyness, my physical frame or because of the ghost-shadow that the first two women I dated and thought I loved left. I have failed to pursue those I was interested in and choose to pursue my own mind and the worlds that revolved in it.
But worst of all I have failed in my spiritual duties and not pursued what really think in the long run is what I need to follow. I just find myself beinng unable to commit to the project i need to pursue, it isn't science, economics, storytelling, even farming, it is frightening beyond scope for a person totally terrified by public speaking.
I have done very little that is of benefit to the world, just a few words given to me by one far greater than myself, but is these words that I truly love either when I bring the worlds of imagination to others in the games I portray or in the comforting of others and counseling to find their own paths to god.
I need to become a person of Faith, for both economists and scientists. I need to bring the word of god to others even if its something unexpected.
I have given up contact with friends because of time constraints and problems with communication, and many of those so called friends and acquaintances which I cared about have again and again failed to contact me in return even when they knew I would have problems getting to them. I have failed to keep people informed of my activities and failed even more to take up the mantle of activities that I could have undertaken. Worse I have failed to find something I really love and made something of it.
I have failed to look after my social, and sensual life and made an incredible amount of compromises of this type. I have dated a few women, none successfully in the long term either due to my shyness, my physical frame or because of the ghost-shadow that the first two women I dated and thought I loved left. I have failed to pursue those I was interested in and choose to pursue my own mind and the worlds that revolved in it.
But worst of all I have failed in my spiritual duties and not pursued what really think in the long run is what I need to follow. I just find myself beinng unable to commit to the project i need to pursue, it isn't science, economics, storytelling, even farming, it is frightening beyond scope for a person totally terrified by public speaking.
I have done very little that is of benefit to the world, just a few words given to me by one far greater than myself, but is these words that I truly love either when I bring the worlds of imagination to others in the games I portray or in the comforting of others and counseling to find their own paths to god.
I need to become a person of Faith, for both economists and scientists. I need to bring the word of god to others even if its something unexpected.
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